


Thanks for being Lifeless

by PlagueOfSquid



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Child Abuse, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Gaslighting, Hurt/Comfort, Loki Whump, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Non-Consensual Drug Use, Odin (Marvel)'s A+ Parenting, Self-Harm, honestly this is just gonna get worse, magic is science
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-18
Updated: 2019-01-13
Packaged: 2019-09-22 10:04:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,851
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17057750
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PlagueOfSquid/pseuds/PlagueOfSquid
Summary: After they save the world from the threat of alien invasion, Thor invites the Avengers to Asgard for a well-earned vacation and a chance to study advanced technology. Tony Stark runs into Thor's little brother Loki and can't help but wonder if something is rotten in the heart of Asgard.





	1. Lost One

It was like he’d always said, you could tell a lot about a man by his architectural choices. Not a particularly useful motto most of the time, but that didn’t stop it being true. People didn’t get to choose their monuments, it was generally considered in poor taste to dictate your own legacy, so instead they built skyscrapers and pretended they were anything other than a giant concrete dick measuring contest. And if anyone understood that, it was Tony Stark. He’d built one himself.

Asgard was a city of gold, bright and shiny like the whole thing was wrapped in kitchen foil. He could almost see the Spanish conquistadors dying of thirst on its steps, inches away from immortality. Spires on spires on immense gilded domes and balconies like the world’s biggest Shakespeare production. The others stood open-mouthed, staring in awe. Asgard looked like a fever dream by Donald Trump’s interior designer, there was no getting around that, but it sure as fuck made an impression. Tony knew better. He didn’t trust stage props. Sure, they looked great from the proper angle, but they were just plywood and canvas underneath. This wasn’t a city, it was a message in a golden envelope.

_Welcome to paradise. Don’t fuck it up._

“What do you think of the realm eternal?” Thor asked. He had been so excited to invite the Avengers to stay in the wake of another successful mission, and all of that excitement was still on full display now that they had arrived. “It has been such a long time since mortals have set foot on this ground.”

Steve was the first to break the stunned silence. “It’s… amazing…”

Thor beamed. He was clearly proud of his home and that made sense. It was basically him in the form of a city, massive and strange and way too old-fashioned for some kind of advanced alien planet. Asgard couldn’t have asked for a better prince.

While the others were looking up, something else caught Tony’s attention. He gave the ground a kick. “Hey blondie, what’s this made of?”

“The Bifrost?” Thor looked down as well, then back at Tony. “It is exactly as the name states, a rainbow bridge.”

No fucking way. “Yeah, but it’s not made of actual rainbows. We’re not in Candyland here.” The substance was solid and encased in some kind of transparent housing, possibly an ultra-thin metal alloy. He’d be willing to accept polished crystal at a stretch.

“I am not aware of such a confectionary realm connected to the Bifrost, but it does sound most wonderful.”

Clint snorted, because there was just no shutting some people up. “It’s a boardgame, Thor. Tony’s messing with you.”

Thor let out a practiced chuckle. “Very funny, Stark. Come, my mother shall appreciate your wit.” He started along the bridge, the other Avengers following behind like a bunch of schoolchildren.

Ugh. For an alien capable of inter-dimensional travel, Thor was no great mind, a fact that constantly frustrated Tony. Sure, he understood that very few could aspire to his level of genius, but the rest could at least try. He elbowed Bruce. “What do you think? My money’s on electro-synthesized titanium glass.”

Bruce shrugged. “I dunno, Tony. Maybe it’s just rainbows.”

“Is that your opinion as a chemist? It’s rainbows?” Some people just didn’t take important questions seriously enough.

“First of all, I’m a biochemist. Materials science isn’t exactly my field.” Bruce was barely even looking at him, caught up in the majesty around them. You know, like a dork. “Second of all, we’re in the city of the gods. There’s no reason why it couldn’t be rainbows.”

“Great,” Tony said. “Well, while you’re enjoying Vahalla, I’ll be figuring out the secret to deep space travel.”

Bruce looked unimpressed. “You do that. But if it’s rainbows, you owe me something big.”

“A car. The red Cadillac you like.” Seemed like a pretty safe bet. “And if it’s not, I get to put the Hulk on a treadmill and see how that goes.”

“I can answer that one for you. Badly.” It was Natasha, her face blank as always, cutting into their conversation like she had never even heard the word ‘privacy’ before. Well, he should have really expected that from a spy. “You’d better not get us kicked out of Asgard, Tony.”

He put his hands up in surrender. “Hey, I can be polite when I want to. I’m on my best behavior here.”

“Good,” Natasha said, her eyes still just as suspicious. “Think you can keep it up?”

Tony shot her his winning smile. “How much trouble could I possibly cause in a single week?”

She sighed. “Guess I won’t bother unpacking.”

—

Most people had probably never seen a throne room before in their lives. Tony? He’d been in four, now five. If that wasn’t an accomplishment, he didn’t know what was.

The throne room of Asgard was every bit as grand as the city around it suggested, all gilding and arched ceilings. Odin was there to welcome them, looking like an older, more regal version of Thor, and his queen was by his side. Frigga, an elegant woman with her son’s golden hair and a fixed smile. Tony wasn’t about to say this out loud, but she looked sad.

From there, Thor led them on a brief tour that ended in a group of bedrooms where they would be staying, one for each of them. Good. Tony hadn’t been looking forward to sharing a room with anyone. He wasn’t really the sharing type.

It was the middle of the afternoon and Tony didn’t know where to start. Asgard was chock full of interesting things but not many people who could explain them. To be fair, Earth was the same way. The average person couldn’t tell you how their smartphone worked, they just knew it did. And so far, Tony hadn’t gotten anywhere dismantling things on his own. He needed an expert, or at least the Asgardian version of Wikipedia.

A palace this size had to have a library, right? He vaguely remembered Thor mentioning one during their tour. Well, that seemed like best option for information and Tony went about retracing his steps to find it.

In other words, he got lost.

It wasn’t so bad. Of all the places to be lost, an alien palace was probably one of the more interesting. And he wasn’t technically lost. All he had to do was ask one of the many servants that passed him in the winding halls. But at this point, it was a matter of pride. He was Tony fucking Stark and he didn’t need directions.

Tony pushed open a likely-looking door and found himself blinking in the sunlight. It wasn’t a library, it was a garden. Great, another dead end. That was just what he needed right now. He was about to turn around and go back to his search when something white caught his eye.

There was a man in the garden dressed all in white, his long black hair tied back in a low ponytail. Pretty didn’t even begin to describe the sight. Ethereal, perhaps. Disquieting, spectral, almost eerie, but still beautiful. The Asgardians claimed to be gods, but this man… he looked like the real deal. And not a god in the same way Thor was, a slender little thing straight out of a dream. Or maybe a J-horror.

He didn’t seem to notice Tony, just stood there in the garden like he was waiting for something, his head held high and still. As he watched, another person emerged, standing up from behind a hedge. This one Tony recognized. It was the queen and for the first time he’d seen, she was really smiling, a bouquet of flowers in her hands.

Frigga said something Tony couldn’t hear, but that didn’t matter. It seemed like the man in white couldn’t hear it either, or at least he gave no indication that he had heard. The queen handed him the bouquet and smiled at him, brushing loose hair out of his face.

All of a sudden, Tony felt a hand grab the collar of his shirt and yank it backwards. He was a little on edge, he had to admit that much, so the shock of it prompted a half-muffled yelp that he didn’t have time to silence. The man turned to look and Tony caught a glimpse of bright green eyes right before the garden door shut in his face and he landed on the floor.

Luckily, it was only Thor and he didn’t look upset. “Stark! I was worried. What were you doing in my mother’s garden?”

Tony felt like he’d been unjustly thrown out of paradise. He stood up and brushed off imaginary dust. “I didn’t know who’s garden it was. I was trying to find the library.”

Thor laughed. “It is not outside, my friend. Follow me. I will show you.” He walked a little ways down the hallway, but Tony stayed put.

“Who was that? The guy in white, I mean. The one with your mom.”

The pleasant atmosphere suddenly dissolved and Thor looked grim. “My younger brother, Loki. He is… not well.”

Tony couldn’t help it. He was just naturally curious. “What do you mean ‘not well?’”

“His mind is clouded by delusions,” Thor said quietly. He looked down, focusing on the floor at his feet. Clearly this was difficult for him to talk about. “Loki is- was a master of magic. For that reason, he is kept in solitude.”

“He’s a prisoner.”

Thor winced at the word. “It is for his own safety and ours. An unstable sorcerer is a massive risk to all the realms.” It sounded like he was reading from a script.

“He doesn’t look dangerous.” If anything, Loki had looked fragile, like the flowers his mother gave him.

“He tried to kill our father.” Thor clenched and unclenched his fists. Unlike most things, this wasn’t a problem he could punch his way through and that seemed to bother him.

“Yikes. Seems okay with your mom, though.” Okay, so a bad option for a date, no matter how cute he looked.

Thor nodded. “Yes. Mother is very kind and Loki has always loved her best. She takes him to the garden almost every day.” His eyes went back to the floor. “Otherwise, he would be kept in his room and…”

Tony sighed and put a hand on Thor’s shoulder. “You really care about him. Any chance of recovery?”

“No.” The single word was barely more than a whisper. Thor turned away. “It is… frustrating. Loki was a genius and perhaps he still is, but he is buried far too deep inside his own mind. I-I fear…” His voice trailed off, then wavered back into strength. “I fear there may not be anything left to save.”

“That’s rough, buddy. Anything I can do to help?” Tony doubted there was much he could do, but it was worth offering.

“How kind of you, friend Stark,” Thor said. “Perhaps you could… speak to Loki? It has been such a long time since he has seen a mortal and I would love to see him smile again.”

“Alright. One smile, coming right up.” Tony patted Thor on the back gently, about as high as he could reach. Maybe this could be mutually beneficial. If Loki was a genius and a sorcerer, he might be able to answer some of the questions Tony had about magic.

And to be honest, he wanted to see that smile too.

—

If Tony was doing something stupid, even Natasha would have had to admit it was for a good cause. So she couldn’t be mad if he ended up getting them kicked out after all. That was just the rules.

Tony stopped and flattened himself against the wall, peering around the corner carefully. Good, no guards. He’d had to dodge a few on the way here. Nothing too difficult, they hadn’t really been paying attention. It was a quiet night and he was pretty deep in the palace, so nobody was expecting an intruder. Still, Asgard really needed to step up their security. This kinda shit wouldn’t fly at Stark Industries.

It wasn’t that he’d chosen to visit Loki in the middle of the night. No, he’d been forced into it. The guards hadn’t let him through at a more reasonable hour and the library had been interesting, but not exactly beginner-friendly. It was always better to learn from another person anyway.

He glanced behind him and ran to the door, keeping his head down to dodge the windows. No surprise, the door was locked. He briefly thought about knocking, but decided against it. An action designed to cause noise and get attention probably wasn’t a good idea in this situation. Instead he held his phone’s camera up to the keyhole. “Got anything, Jarvis?”

The mechanical voice rang clear through his earpiece. “It appears to be some kind of magically-sealed apparatus, sir.”

Tony frowned. “Any way to interface with the system?” Magic was just a fancy word for technology, after all. He just needed to find a way to properly deliver his hacking program and it would open like anything else.

Jarvis was significantly less confident. “Sir, what part of magic do you not understand?”

“So that’s a no on the USB port?” Shit. He wasn’t about to be foiled by a fucking door. “Scan for radio signals, any frequency.”

“Negative,” Jarvis responded. “Shall I check for fairy dust next?”

Just as Tony was about to craft a witty retort, the lock clicked and the door swung open and he was met with a pair of bright green eyes. It was Loki standing in the doorway, in the same simple white robe as before with no shoes. Probably straight out of bed.

“Uh…” Tony quickly stowed his phone in his pocket. “Room service?”

Loki grabbed him by the arm and nearly pulled him off his feet in his hurry to get him inside. As soon as the door closed he let go, staring at Tony like he was surprised that actually worked. “You’re not a hallucination?”

Tony looked down at himself. “Pretty sure I’m real.” So that wasn’t a great sign for getting valuable information out of this guy. “Sorry, I want to talk to you and the guards wouldn’t let me in, so I kinda… snuck in anyway.”

“You want to talk to me?” Loki turned the words over like he didn’t really understand. He sat down on the edge of the bed. “Why?” His voice was weirdly flat, almost completely emotionless and calm. Tony wondered if he was on sedatives.

“I’m not from around here and I’ve got a lot of questions. Thor says you’re pretty smart.” So far, so good. Loki could hold a conversation. That was a step in the right direction.

Loki’s eyes lit up at the compliment, but it was short-lived. “Asgard has plenty of scholars. Why would you choose the one you know to be insane?”

Tony shrugged. “So I’m curious. Is that a crime?” This was definitely more than curiosity, but he wasn’t about to admit that. “Tony Stark. I’m friends with your brother.” He held out his hand for Loki to shake.

All he got was a suspicious look. “What secrets do you wish to learn, Stark?”

It was worth a shot. “Can you tell me what the Bifrost’s made of?”

Loki stared at him in silence for a moment, then his lips curled into a smile. Just a little one, dulled by whatever kept his voice so even, but it was every bit as cute as Tony had imagined. “So a mortal disobeyed the All-father’s rules and broke into the bedroom of a dangerous lunatic, all to ask such a simple question?”

“Yep. That’s pretty much it.” He sat down next to Loki on the bed. “I’ve been digging around in the library, but I’ve gotten used to having a convenient search feature and without it I just don’t know where to look.”

Loki answered quickly. “Light. The Bifrost is light held at a very slow speed and made solid. As for the colors… it is similar to the refraction of light through water. Surely you’re familiar?”

Shit. Tony groaned. “So it’s actually made of rainbows?”

“Yes,” Loki answered. He peered into Tony’s eyes curiously. “Is something wrong?”

“No, I just made a stupid bet.” There went one of his favorite cars. On the other hand, what Bruce didn’t know wouldn’t hurt Tony. “What makes the light go so slow?”

“There is a mechanism…” Loki glanced over at the small bookshelf near the door, the only other piece of substantial furniture. “You can find a diagram in the library. I would show you, but… father restricts my reading rather severely.”

There were only a handful of books on the shelf and someone as smart as Loki could probably read pretty fast. “What do you do all day?”

“I am meant to rest.” Despite his muffled emotions, Loki managed to say the last word with venom. “The healers give me herbs for sleep, but they no longer have the full effect.”

It sounded like torture. “You really are a prisoner. Have you gotten any better?”

Loki’s long fingers twitched in his lap. “Better? There is no chance of that. I am a hopeless madman, Tony Stark. The best that can be done is for me to stay out of the way.”

“You don’t seem so crazy to me.” Maybe Loki was mentally ill, but he certainly didn’t deserve to be locked up like this and drugged.

That earned him another small smile. “You are a very strange mortal indeed.”

Tony shrugged. “Yeah, I get that a lot.”

There was something unspoken between them, something that a younger version of him would have exploited to talk his way into bed. He wasn’t that person anymore, even if sometimes he still felt like him, and Loki wasn’t his personal sex object. He needed to bury that attraction deep down and throw his shovel in the hole along with it, give up on whatever weird fascination he had with Thor’s little brother.

But Tony knew his own mind too well to think that would work. He never could resist a pretty face.

They talked for a while, discussing everything from space travel to the lock on the bedroom door. It all kept coming back to the same thing. Magic. There was no power source involved in any of this, no generator, no battery, nothing. Tony could understand highly advanced technology, but it still needed something to power the circuits. According to Loki, that power came from magic. Obviously Tony was missing something.

Finally, Loki gave the curtained window a nervous glance. “You should go. It will be morning soon.”

Tony got up and started to leave, but hesitated before he opened the door. “Did you really try to kill your father?” The question just sorta fell out of his mouth and by the time he realized what he was saying, it was too late.

Loki went pale. His hands fidgeted and for the first time, there was real emotion on his face. Fear. “I-I am very sick. My mind is f-far too d-disturbed to make sense of my actions. P-please, never ask me that again.”

There was something more going on behind those pretty green eyes. Things weren’t as simple as Thor had made them seem, Tony was sure of that. But he clearly wasn’t going to get any more information out of Loki tonight. “Sorry. I was just curious.” He opened the door a crack and peeked out, checking for guards. “Coast is clear. Better get moving while it still is.”

“Farewell, Tony Stark.” Loki said, a hint of sadness in his voice. “I wish you could have stayed for longer.”

“I’ll see you later, Lo.” It wasn’t a goodbye, it was a promise.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! Yes, my Tumblr is gone. My account got deleted in the big purge. If you're looking for me I'm on Twitter @plaguesquid.


	2. Sick Sick Sick

Turns out there were drawbacks to working with a master secret agent.

Tony had barely taken a step into his bedroom when something slammed into him and his back hit the floor hard. The impact set his ears ringing and as he tried to blink away the sparks that overtook his vision, a figure in black swam into view, crouching on his chest. For a second, Tony reached in vain for the briefcase he’d left by bed, but then his eyes focused and he relaxed. “Hey, Nat. Couldn’t sleep?”

“What the hell were you doing?” Natasha hissed, her voice as cold as her eyes. “I told you not to get us in trouble.”

“And we’re not in trouble. So technically I didn’t do anything wrong.” Tony rubbed his head. He could understand why she was upset, but friends didn’t give friends concussions. That was just uncalled for. “Everything’s cool. Can I get up now?”

Natasha gave him a suspicious look, but she moved off his chest and let Tony sit up. “You’re not off the hook. What were you doing out of your room in the middle of the night?”

“Little bit of bedroom business with a gorgeous brunet.” It wasn’t untrue and the other Avengers knew full well that Pepper had dumped him a couple weeks ago, so it wouldn’t be out of character at the moment.

She clearly wasn’t buying the excuse. “Must have been some boring sex. You didn’t even sweat.”

“Hey, I don’t ambush you at midnight and criticize your sexual prowess.” Tony sighed. She wasn’t going to leave until he told the truth. And if she could tell whether or not he’d recently sweat, lying wasn’t a smart option. “Look, it’s a long story and we’re both tired. Tomorrow?”

Natasha sat on the floor in front of him, her legs crossed. “Now.”

“Fine.” On second thoughts, maybe this wasn’t such a bad thing. Tony didn’t really know what to make of Loki, so maybe Nat could help him out. “Thor has a little brother. Loki. I say little, but the guy’s like six foot at least. And he’s really something. Tall, dark, and handsome doesn’t begin to describe it. Anyway, he’s… not all there.”

“Please tell me you didn’t fuck Thor’s crazy brother.” Now there was an idea, one Tony tried to get out of his mind as quickly as possible. The last thing he needed was more ideas like that about Loki.

“I didn’t.” Tony had to stop himself from adding a yet. “Like I said, Loki’s a few jewels short of a crown. At least he’s supposed to be. According to Thor he tried to kill their dad, but he seemed pretty normal when I was talking to him.”

“So? He could be good at hiding it,” Natasha said. “Or it could have been some kind of psychotic break. A temporary thing.”

Tony shrugged. “All I’m saying is that it would be pretty fucking convenient to cover something up. Maybe he had a good reason to go all Game of Thrones and daddy wanted to make sure nobody would believe him anymore.”

“That’s a pretty big maybe.” The doubt was obvious in her voice, but she hadn’t met Loki. She didn’t really know.

“Either way, he’s not being treated well. Locked in his bedroom all day and night, drugged so often he’s built up a tolerance to whatever sedative they’re giving him. It’s no way to live. And we rescue people for a living, so…”

Natasha rolled her eyes. “Hello, I’d like to speak to Tony Stark please, not his dick.”

“I’m serious, Nat. We’ve got to do something.” It was almost a plea and that surprised Tony himself. He hadn’t realized quite how strongly he felt about this yet. “Yeah, he’s cute, but that’s not the point. He’s practically being tortured.”

“He’s also a prince of Asgard. We can’t just sneak him out from under their noses and expect nothing in retaliation.” Natasha had a sort of cold clarity about her, a calculated lack of emotions. Probably a good trait for her profession, but it creeped Tony the hell out. “This kind of shit starts wars. Asgard is lightyears ahead of us in technology. We can’t afford to make them Earth’s enemy.”

She did have a point. Earth wouldn’t stand a chance in a war with Asgard and kidnapping a prince would definitely work as a casus belli, if the kingdom even needed one in the first place. They seemed pretty on board with war in general. Whatever the Avengers did while in Asgard would be reflected back onto humanity as a whole.

But even if she was right, that didn’t mean Tony was willing to accept it. “Loki needs our help. We’re the Avengers. It’s what we do.”

Natasha scared him sometimes and this was one of those times, her voice flat and her eyes hard. “We can’t help everyone.”

Tony shook his head. “I don’t want to help everyone. Just him.”

—

It didn’t make sense.

The books in the library were in English as far as Tony could tell. He struggled to discern individual letters, but the words made sense in his brain for the most part, like they were being read to him in his own voice. That wasn’t the part he was confused about. The machinery discussed seemed to require an immense amount of energy and there was simply no power source mentioned. On top of that, even if power could be provided somehow, it didn’t seem to react in the same way as electricity. Whatever this mysterious energy was, it didn’t need wires or circuit boards to channel it in the right direction, almost like it had a will of its own.

This was the magic Loki had spoken about and Tony wasn’t any closer to understanding it than he’d been the previous night. Magic was a heavily ritualized part of Asgardian culture and even if he could understand the words themselves, they might as well be in a foreign language when it came to magic. These were books written by Asgardians for Asgardians. It was like dropping a space alien in the middle of Wall Street and asking them to explain capitalism. He was dealing with a science that had developed on a completely different planet with only minimal influence from Earth. In other words, he’d need at least a month to puzzle it out on his own.

He didn’t have a month, he had the rest of the week and he was pretty sure Odin wouldn’t be keen on inter-dimensional library loans. So that was a problem and it wasn’t even the biggest one he was dealing with at the moment. There was still Loki himself to figure out.

The Tony Stark of a few years ago would have left Loki alone. No, that wasn’t entirely true. He would have fucked Loki and then left him to his isolation. Present Tony was trying his very best to do whatever that person wouldn’t, but this in particular looked a little daunting. What if Loki really was dangerous? He’d admitted to attempted patricide and he’d been pretty surprised that Tony wasn’t a hallucination when they first really met, which implied he had them regularly. If this guy was anywhere close to Thor’s strength, that could be a serious problem.

But every time he started having doubts, he remembered those pretty green eyes in the garden. Loki was worryingly thin and so pale his face matched his white outfits, barely more than a ghost. It was a disturbing sight on a guy as pretty as him, like a flower caught in a flash frost.

The next day Tony found himself wandering back to the queen’s garden, a small stack of books under his arm. If he was going to rescue Loki, he needed to keep track of him. So he sat down under a tree and tried to read and waited.

Things moved pretty slow in Asgard. The golden sunlight that blanketed the city felt more like a sea of liquid amber and it wasn’t long before the words on the page swam even more than usual, reminding Tony that he hadn’t actually gotten much sleep the previous night. After Natasha left, he had found it difficult to stop thinking long enough to drift off. At least he hadn’t had another nightmare. Those were getting more frequent lately.

Just as his eyelids began to close, Tony felt a hand grip his shoulder and startled awake to a peal of gentle laughter. Frigga was standing over him, her regal face broken into a kind smile.

Tony rubbed the sleep out of his eyes and looked around. Sure enough, Loki was standing nearby, just as pretty as ever. His eyes gave no hint of recognition. Did he think this was a hallucination?

“Whatever are you doing here, Man of Iron?” Frigga asked. Her voice was warm and polite, but not as soft as he’d expected. “Your friends are surely enjoying the wonders of this realm. Do you not wish to join them?”

“Not really.” Tony got to his feet and bowed. She was a queen after all, it seemed like the right thing to do. And once he’d started, he couldn’t really stop. “The tomes of yonder library are wonder enough for me, milady,” he said, imitating the characteristic Asgardian accent rather well, if he did say so himself. “That, and your fair presence.”

Frigga waved away the flirting like a teacher talking to a schoolchild. “You are too kind. It is merely the presence of my garden that you find fair.” Her eyes followed Tony’s gaze, landing on Loki. “Or perhaps it is another. Have you met my youngest?”

“I have not.” Better that he didn’t mention their previous meeting. Tony held out his hand for Loki to shake. “Tony Stark. Charmed to make your acquaintance.”

There was a second of pause and Frigga looked about ready to speak for her son, but then Loki accepted the handshake and just the sensation of touch seemed to change something about him. His eyes no longer looked so empty. “Loki Odinson, prince of Asgard. Likewise charmed.”

At this point, Tony had to know just how far he could push it. He raised Loki’s hand toward his lips like he meant to kiss it. The gesture made Loki smile and a faint shade of pink crept across his pale cheeks. He pulled away before the hand could actually reach its destination.

Tony glanced nervously at Frigga, but her eyes were politely adverted and her face was firmly neutral. If she disapproved, she wasn’t showing it. “I should hope you find Asgard as comfortable as your native realm.”

“More than comfortable,” Tony answered. It was hard to keep up his little joke after seeing something as cute as Loki blushing. “It is quite… uh… grand and... Seriously, how do you guys talk like that all the time? It’s exhausting.”

To his surprise, Loki let out a snort. He laughed, actually fucking laughed, and it was frankly too adorable to be legal. Yep. Tony could definitely feel that. He’d just fallen head over heels in love with Thor’s mental patient little brother. Great.

While Frigga was busy staring at him like he’d just performed a miracle, Tony scooped up the books he’d left on the ground. “You’re right, I should go see what the others are doing.” He had a lot to think about.

—

That night, Loki was waiting for him. As soon as Tony got close, the door swung open and Loki was right there, that almost-smile playing across his lips. “You came back.”

Like there had ever been a chance he wouldn’t. Loki was difficult to forget about and Tony had only known him for two days at this point. “Can’t stay away.”

Loki pulled him inside and shut the door behind him, leading him over to a chair set up by the bed. With an uncomfortable twinge, Tony realized just how important this was to Loki. It was one of the very few peaks in his little world, a simple visit from someone who wasn’t quite a friend yet.

“Did you find the diagrams I told you about?” Loki sat down on the bed, his hands folded in his lap, delicate and proper like the prince he was. “The ones of the Bifrost?”

“Yeah.” Tony sat across from him and pulled out his smartphone, popping up the holographic display. He waved his fingers and pulled up a photo of the page. “I had some questions about it.”

Loki looked startled. “I-I am not allowed…”

“It’s just a picture, Lo.” Tony pressed a button and the hologram disappeared. “Surely you’re allowed to look at a picture.”

“N-no!” There was a catch in Loki’s voice that wasn’t normally there. “Father will punish me.”

Tony saw an opportunity for answers and he wasn’t about to let it get away so easily. “What will he do?” He leaned forward, but Loki remained silent, his eyes darting back and forth nervously. “Lo, how does he punish you?”

It was like Loki was waking up from a deep sleep. He rubbed his eyes and ran shaky fingers through his hair, blinking a little too quickly. “Father… father never punishes me. That was a lie. Father does so much to care for me. He would never hurt me.”

“I never said anything about hurting.” On a scale of one to ten, this was really fucking bad. Tony had never been good at comfort, but he took Loki’s hand carefully and looked him in the eyes. “Does he hurt you?”

Loki blinked. Then he blinked again. “Whoever do you mean?”

Tony gave his hand a squeeze, hoping Loki would understand it was meant to be comforting. “Your father, the king. Does your father hurt you?”

Slowly, Loki shook his head. “Father loves me. He provides me with the very best care in the Nine Realms and I am grateful.”

“Okay, that’s all very good,” Tony said, keeping his voice as clear as possible. “But does your father hurt you?”

For a second, Loki gave no sign that he’d even heard the question. He was staring straight ahead, his eyes fixed on a point just over Tony’s shoulder. Then all at once, his slender body shuddered and his pupils focused. “Did you find the diagrams I told you about? The ones of the Bifrost.”

Well, one thing was for sure. If Loki hadn’t been mentally ill when he was first locked up like this, he certainly was now.

—

The rest of the conversation went well. Despite his earlier… outburst, Loki was the very model of polite. And he didn’t let go of Tony’s hand the whole time. If that wasn’t a cry for help, Tony didn’t know what was.

As for the questions he had, Loki answered them. Sort of. According to him, the power source in all this was some kind of personal energy from the ‘caster.’ Tony was pretty sure that was metaphorical or just a cultural thing, but Loki made it sound pretty convincing. Maybe the Asgardians had managed to develop a way to harness neural electricity? Biochemical reactions? He would have to investigate further.

Eventually, Loki’s attention drifted back to the little window. It seemed to be his only method of telling time, no clocks or anything else, just rough estimates and sunlight. “The sun will rise soon.” There was a hint of fear in his voice.

Tony stood up but before he could reach the door, Loki got to his feet as well and went over to his small shelf, removing one of the books very carefully. Even though there weren’t many, he seemed to treasure them. “I have something you may wish to borrow.” He held out the book.

It was old and more than a little damaged, the cover fading and one corner blackened in a way that made it look almost singed. The peeling golden letters were near impossible to read. Tony took it and squinted at them, reading the title aloud. “Basic Spellcraft?”

Loki nodded. “My mother gave me that when I was very young. It was my first manual on magic and… and the only one I have left. I know not if mortals are capable of learning the mystic arts, but perhaps we can find out together.”

“Thanks.” Tony could tell this was more than a simple favor. The book obviously meant a lot to Loki. “Really, I mean it. Thank you.”

“Take care of it. Please.” That little catch was back, but this time there didn’t seem to be a reason behind it. At least, not one Tony could see. “Promise me you will.”

Let no one say Tony Stark was a coward. He took Loki’s hand again and raised it to his lips, kissing it like he had teased he would back in the garden. “I promise.”

Loki blushed, the hint of color giving a bit of life to his face that it sorely needed. His gaze dropped to the floor. “You should leave now. Before the guards find you.”

“Right. I should,” Tony said, like the smooth playboy he was. “Tomorrow?”

Loki nodded. “I shall be waiting.”


	3. Re-Education

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In this AU, the events of Avengers 1 still happened, just minus Loki. The Chitauri invasion was led by one of Thanos' generals. Also scroll to the bottom for some spoilery warnings. I didn't want to put them in the tags and ruin the twist.

Tony Stark was no stranger to doing embarrassing things in public. In the days before all this hero business, he’d been known for his ability to deliver speeches while blackout drunk. As far as talents went it was pretty good, but showing it off did require a certain level of intoxication that wasn’t very conducive to, just as a hypothetical example, not pissing in the rosebushes. So he’d had plenty of experience with embarrassing himself, probably more than most people did, but this was a little much.

The magic book had said that early spell-casting was best practiced outside and he’d figured it was good to listen to that advice when staying as a guest in a palace. What the book hadn’t mentioned was that some of the spells weren’t all that dignified to perform if they didn’t work. In other words, he was on one of the palace’s many balconies, waving his arms and saying nonsense words like a fucking idiot. And nothing was happening.

Not that he’d really expected anything to happen. He obviously didn’t have whatever allowed the Asgardians to interface with this mysterious energy source they called magic. The only reason he was trying was because he knew Loki wanted him to. So far, he was turning out to be a disappointment.

Just as he decided to give this up entirely, a loud voice broke the silence. “Friend Stark! I was not aware you practiced the mystical arts!”

It was Thor because of course it was, hovering just at balcony level with his hammer spinning in a circle over his head. Honestly that made even less sense than magic and Tony would have taken the weapon apart long ago if it weren’t so damned heavy. Thor may have been the god of thunder, but he certainly wasn’t the god of physics.

Tony stuffed his hands into his pockets as he watched Thor land near him. “Practice is a strong word. It’s more of a curiosity. Can you do any spells?”

Thor shook his head. “I never had the skill. Spellcraft is not the domain of a warrior. It is better suited to scholars like my brother.”

“But not anymore?”

“Not anymore.” Thor stared down at his feet.

He wasn’t sure if he could trust Thor with the secret of his visits to Loki. He might speak to their father about them and even more than that, they felt strangely… private. Like he might as well be telling Thor about a sexual conquest in explicit detail. But no matter what, he did need more information. “What happened to Loki?”

“One day he simply… broke.” The way he talked about this was so unlike his normal boisterous manner, so quiet and reserved. Almost like Loki himself. “I was not present for the incident. All I saw was my brother being dragged from the throne room by half a dozen guards. To the dungeons.”

“Wait, this place has dungeons?” Tony was surprised. It was a palace, but it was supposed to be a futuristic space palace. Dungeons seemed particularly medieval.

“Where else would Asgard keep her prisoners?” There was that word again. Seemed like Thor was willing to acknowledge what Loki really was, at least in this context. “He was not kept there long, only until the initial violence faded and the healers’ herbs took effect.”

“Until he was drugged.”

His words made Thor flinch, but he nodded. “Aye, until he was drugged. It was for the safety of all the realms.” The line was so obviously memorized it was almost pre-recorded.

Time to make a choice. And like many choices before, Tony settled on the riskier option. “I’ve been talking to Loki. He doesn’t seem dangerous. More lonely and sad.”

“You did not see what I saw that day.” Thor almost sounded defensive.

“Which was?” Tony asked.

“A madman.”

Tony didn’t answer for a beat, trying to imagine Loki with no sense of reason in his pretty green eyes, wild as an animal and ready to murder his own father. It was so different from the dignified little prince dressed in white.

In the meantime, Thor continued. “That day, Loki was not himself. Later I learned that he had leapt at father with the intention of killing him in a single strike. Had the All-father not been such a seasoned warrior, the attack may have proved fatal.”

That was obviously a worse outcome, Thor losing both his father and brother, but Tony couldn’t help but wonder if maybe it was how things should have gone. Maybe Odin had done something worthy of death. “But you didn’t see that yourself. All you saw was Loki being dragged away.”

“It was more than enough.” Thor shivered, even as the sun beat down on them both. “Loki was screaming, tearing at himself and screaming that… that his skin was false.”

“Was it?” At this point, Tony had learned to tamp down that voice inside that tried to impose logic on anything Thor-related.

“Of course not. Father would have surely dispelled any illusions if they had been present.”

“You sure put a lot of trust in dear old dad.” Tony wondered what that luxury felt like, to know that at least one person could be trusted for certain. He just wasn’t a trusting person and his own father… well, the less said about him, the better.

“Odin is not merely my father, he is also my king. He is my family and homeland together as one.” There was a definite look of pride on Thor’s face. How childish.

“You know, the whole king business didn’t turn out so good back home in the states,” Tony said. “Giving all the power to one man isn’t such a great idea as you’d think. Everybody makes mistakes sometimes.”

Thor looked troubled for a second, but it passed quickly. “Worry not, my friend. Odin is more than a man. He is the All-father, wisdom incarnate. He does not make mistakes.”

Now that was just too much to believe. Tony had about had it up to here with the Asgardians’ supremacist tendencies, even if they were physiologically superior to humans. Odin made mistakes, he was sure of that, and Loki’s treatment was one of them.

Even then, it seemed so cruel, subjecting his own son to torture. But that was Asgard for you, a shining blood diamond through and through. It wasn’t the utopia it claimed to be because utopias were a juvenile fantasy. So it was just an empty box under all that pretty wrapping paper.

Tony looked at the honest faith in Thor’s eyes and sighed. “I wish I could believe you.”

—

When Loki opened the bedroom door, Tony couldn’t help but notice the bandage wrapped around his hand. His right, the one he’d kissed the night before as part of his little joke. That couldn’t be a good sign.

Loki must have seen him staring because he quickly tucked the hand behind his back and shut the door with his left. “How goes spellcraft, Stark?”

“Well, I haven’t blown myself up yet.” He followed Loki to his assigned seat from before and sat down, watching the other settle on the bed. In Tony’s opinion, it was embarrassing for anyone to see him reclining in bed, but it seemed very natural for Loki to act like an ailing patient. “On the other hand, I haven’t actually done anything.”

“I feared this would be the case,” Loki answered. “I developed my magical skill over centuries of study. That is simply not possible in a mortal lifetime.”

“So I can’t do magic?” Tony was honestly a little disappointed. He knew magic wasn’t real, but he had been kinda hoping. “Aw shit.”

Loki went pale. His right hand slipped out from where he’d buried it under the covers and he played with the bandage nervously. “Well, there might be a way…”

“If it’s giving me a couple of extra centuries to live, I’m cool with that too.” Really, he was pretty flexible in general.

“No, not that. It’s…” Loki bit his lip. Could he possibly be cuter? “I can remove the barrier in your mind that keeps you from accessing your innate magical abilities. Very few people in Asgard are capable of such a feat, perhaps only my parents and I. But that would require me to perform a spell…”

Tony finished the sentence for him. “And you’re not allowed to use magic.”

“I am far too powerful to risk even the simplest of spells. My delusions could take hold at any moment. For all I know, you are actually one of the palace cats.” Loki closed his fingers around his injured hand and squeezed. Probably his version of pinching himself in a dream.

“I’m not a cat, Lo. I promise.” It was time for Tony to go hard or go home. He needed something to test back in his lab on Earth. That was why he’d talked to Loki in the first place. “It’s just us and I’d never tell on you. I’ll be gone in a few days anyway. Why not? Nobody will know.”

“Are you sure?” Loki’s voice wavered, even through the heavy fog of sedation.

He was being selfish. Tony couldn’t be sure this would stay a secret. But he nodded anyway. “Please.” He was possibly dealing with the greatest breakthrough in modern science here. There wasn’t room to worry about paternal approval. It had never stopped him before.

“Alright.” Loki trusted him, a man he had only known for three days, and Tony wasn’t sure why, only that it was a mistake. “Give me your hands.”

Tony listened, placing his hands on Loki’s outstretched palms. One strangely cold and the other wrapped in cloth, hardly a normal feeling but comforting nonetheless. Fuck, he’d really fallen hard. “Now what?”

“Now you may want to close your eyes. This will be a touch… intense.” Loki took a deep breath and let it out slowly, his own eyes firmly shut. Tony didn’t plan on following that particular rule, not when he had a chance to watch a spell in action.

There was a glow, bright green as Loki’s eyes, shining from their clasped hands. Tony watched as it crept up his arms. The glow didn’t look dangerous. It didn’t feel dangerous either, it just felt like… Loki. Like something so essentially Loki he couldn’t put it into words. As it climbed higher and higher, the feeling grew stronger. Even when it reached his neck and he could no longer see it, he could feel it.

And then he was _falling._

_It was just like one of his nightmares, like the other side of the portal again, falling through nothingness and just hoping that he would hit something eventually. But this time he didn’t, he just kept falling and falling._

_He was going to die slowly out here. His suit had its own supply of oxygen, maybe an hour’s worth, and it was pressurized enough even for outer space. So really, the problem wasn’t that he would die. It was that he would live for an hour with the knowledge of his own fate. There was no way out, but he couldn’t just give up. No, some foolish part of him would cling to hope until the end and hang on for every precious second. And he would just have to wait until that horrible moment when he was forced to close his eyes and know they would never open again._

_Just as he opened his mouth to scream, something squeezed his hands. “I told you to close your eyes.” It was Loki, still holding his hands and falling right there alongside him. No, they weren’t falling. They were flying._

_The nothingness below them solidified into a clear surface, frozen place like plate glass but instead of air bubbles, the only imperfections were trapped stars. Either they drifted down or the ground drifted up to meet them, moving honey smooth until the tip of his shoe sent perfect circular ripples across the surface._

_“Where are we?” Tony asked. He didn’t want to let go of Loki’s hands. If he did, surely he would sink through this fluid and be trapped just like the stars._

_“Physically speaking, my room,” Loki said, smirking a little more than he really needed to. He seemed to like having all the answers Tony didn’t. “Our bodies have not moved in the slightest.”_

_Tony had to admit, the teasing was cute. He liked this side of Loki, subtly hiding beneath drugged passivity. “Very helpful, Lo. What’s with the stars?”_

_“Physically, we have not left my room. Astrally speaking, we are inside your mind.”_

_“Oh.” Astrally speaking. That made sense. “So why is my mind made of space? Is everybody’s mind space?”_

_“No. Just yours.” He wasn’t sure if he was just imaging things, but Loki’s eyes looked brighter somehow. More alive. “The mind is shaped by experiences, Tony Stark. Some experiences are stronger than others. Joy, despair, ecstasy…” Those bright eyes were nearly burning. “Trauma.”_

_“Well, it’s definitely one of those.” Tony wasn’t about to air his dirty laundry right out here in the open. He wasn’t that kind of guy. More the kind who buried it six feet under in the backyard and bought new clothes. “What’s your head like?”_

_“I no longer know. This is the first magic I’ve cast in…” All of a sudden, Loki jerked his left hand out of Tony’s grip, grabbing his right to squeeze the injury that wasn’t there anymore._

_Tony reached over and took ahold of it again. “Hey, don’t hurt yourself. It’s not a good way of dealing with things. Believe me, I’ve tried.”_

_The best Loki could manage was a nod. He took a deep breath and his hands felt warm. No, hot. Burning hot but also… comfortable. Safe. It didn’t hurt one bit. “Shall we begin?”_

_“Go ahead, do your worst. I can take it.” Truthfully, Tony didn’t really like this. It was unsettling and nauseating and somehow fundamentally wrong. But Loki made all the difference._

_Loki raised their hands together, pressed palm to palm and glowing with something green. “Do you trust me, Stark?”_

_Tony hadn’t really thought about that before, but he did trust Loki. It wasn’t like he’d willingly be alone in the middle of the night with just any unstable sorcerer. There were a lot of degrees of trust for someone like Tony, but ‘allowed to fuck around in his brain’ wasn’t exactly a standard he’d considered yet. So he didn’t really know where it lay, but it was somewhere. “Yeah. I suppose I do.”_

_“Good.” Loki let go and they were falling._

_It wasn’t the same feeling, not at all. Loki was right there next to him, surrounded by glowing green runes the same color as his eyes. He was working at something and whatever it was looked for all the world like thread, like he was weaving it together into hundreds of unfamiliar letters. The practiced way his hands moved, the look of complete concentration, this was clearly a master at work. How could anyone take this away from Loki? It was like taking away a painter’s fingers._

_And then it all came to an end and Tony felt the_ floor underneath his shoes and Loki’s hands in his. He was back in the little bedroom, the same as ever.

Tony stared at his hands as Loki released them. “Should I be feeling any different? ‘Cause I don’t really. Did it work?”

“It worked.” The confidence in Loki’s voice was almost surprising. He hadn’t sounded confident about much else. “Your mind may need a little time to adjust. Try the spells again tomorrow. Things will be different.”

“Thank you.” He didn’t really know how to make it more sincere than that, but he wished he did. And just as he was trying to figure out how, something red caught his attention. “You’re bleeding.”

Loki glanced down at his right hand. Blood had begun to soak through the wrinkled white bandage, no doubt the result of all his messing with it. “So I am.” He unwrapped the cloth carefully as he walked towards a small bedside cabinet, but all his caution was no match for a patented Tony Stark espionage technique: looking over people’s shoulders without even asking first.

“Shit. That looks bad.” Tony meant it. The hand was… well, a good word to start with would be crushed. Definitely more than a few broken bones and they were some of the really small fiddly ones, not easy to fix. “What happened?”

“I…” Loki laid his injured hand on the cabinet top and stared at it like he was asking the same question himself. And as he did, his left curled into a fist.

It moved too quickly for Tony to even react to, slamming down on the cabinet top hard enough to make the thick wood audibly crack. Or maybe that was just bone, it was hard to tell. Either way, both of Loki’s hands were bloody now and Tony had his answer. “Did you do that to yourself?”

Loki nodded, looking ashamed. “It will heal. My body never stays broken for long. My mind is a different matter entirely.”

Okay, there was a lot to unpack here and Tony had the unpacking skills of a one-legged cat. He was more than likely just going make it worse. No matter how worthless he felt just watching, he couldn’t help, not when he could barely help himself.

“I know I’m pathetic,” Loki said. He had finally retrieved a roll of bandages from the cabinet and begun wrapping his hand in it. “You have no obligation to visit me in the future.” He sounded curt, businesslike, and so very bitter.

Tony found his voice. “Actually I do. The book, remember? I’ve got to give it back when I’m done.”

“Yes.” Loki couldn’t hide the relief in his voice. “No rush, take all the time you need.” The implication was clear and Tony was thankful for it.

When he left, it was with a new concern. What if Loki wasn’t there the next night?

—

The first spell in the book was simple and that was a very good thing, because simple in magical terms was still ridiculously complicated compared to most other subjects. It was meant to concentrate power in the palm of his hand, which would theoretically create a light source. So far, Tony could make sparks. It was an improvement, but not a particularly impressive one.

Loki must have done something while they were inside his mind, maybe implanted an amount of his own energy or somehow fundamentally rewired his neural network. According to Jarvis, the sparks were electric, but not any sort of electricity he was familiar with. The way it behaved was more reminiscent of sound than anything else, flowing and echoing until it faded with distance. He made a mental note to attempt a modified version of the dual slit experiment once he was back in his lab. They could be dealing with a particle-wave duality or something even more messy than that.

After the embarrassment of yesterday, Tony had decided that safety could go fuck itself. He’d never had much patience for it anyway. So instead of a balcony, his new practice ground was the garden. This way, he could show Loki his pathetic little sparks and no doubt get corrected on whatever he was doing wrong.

But Loki never came.

Instead, Frigga did. Tony just turned around and there she was, her face as white as her son’s outfits, carefully stoic and refined. “Man of Iron, I need to ask a favor of you.”

He hadn’t even heard her footsteps. So he wasn’t exactly prepared to talk to her. “What?”

Frigga faltered, her words choked by sudden tears. “My son… Loki…” It triggered automatic alarm bells in Tony’s head. Something wasn’t right. Something was very not right. “Please…”

Tony took a step towards her, reaching out to touch her, but as soon as he did the queen dissolved into golden sparks like a fucking ghost or something. But that didn’t matter. Loki was in danger. No time to rationalize anything.

It felt like he was moving underwater as he sprinted down the corridor. The door to Loki’s room was hanging open, unguarded. That didn’t make sense. None of this made sense.

The scene laid in front of him like a frozen tableau. The little bedroom was empty of the few personal items it had contained. Not a single book left on the shelf. Frigga stood next to the bed, sobbing into her hands. And Loki…

Loki lay in bed, his green eyes completely blank. Still breathing, but otherwise just… gone.

Tony was by his side as quick as he could. “Lo?” No response, not even a glance in his direction. He rounded on Frigga instead. “What the fuck’s wrong with him?”

Frigga shook her head. “I… I do not…”

It was his fault, Tony realized with a sinking feeling. He’d pressured Loki into doing magic and this was the direct result. His curiosity had a price.

“Loki…” Tony caressed his cheek gently and his skin was cold but to his surprise, Loki did react. He nuzzled into the touch, weak, way too weak. “C’mon, say something.”

“He cannot speak.” It was Frigga. Somehow, she had managed to put that royal facade back up, even if her hands clasped nervously. “Please, Man of Iron. When you return to Midgard, take Loki with you. I can see now that he is not safe here.”

“It’s magic, isn’t it? He’s cursed. Somebody fucked with his head.” To Tony’s distress, Frigga nodded. “Who did it? Did he-“ It was almost too awful of a thought, but after last night it seemed possible. Maybe Loki could have done this to himself.

“No,” Frigga answered. “This magic… it belongs to Odin All-father.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: This chapter involves mindbreak and the results of severe psychological trauma.


End file.
